I ask my boys, 9 and 12, if they are doing okay, what I see from them is what some would feel as an unnatural ability to cope with the loss of their Dad. They both appear to be coping well, they both appear to accept that their Dad is no longer here, they both reinforce in me everyday that I must be doing something right.
They miss him and want him to walk through the door and give them hugs and hold them there while he farts and shares the giggles of how gross it is. However this will not happen again, he will no longer be lifting them up on his shoulders in the pool or saying the alphabet in burps as only Daddy can!
We talk openly every day about him we share tears however most of all we share giggles and happy memories. This is what they want and this is what they receive. They don’t want to be sad as they have always walked into a happy home and as they have both said a number of time in the last 7 months ‘don’t be sad Mum we don’t live in sad home’.
Talking to my children and really listening to their words has given me the ability to understand what they want and what I need to give them. Which in turn has given me what I want and need to give myself.