I had an ugly moment of reality today. Whilst vacuuming this morning I realised that this is it, I am alone in this with all that needs to be done to run my home, look after and provide for my children and keeping it all together. I no longer have my partner to pitch in and help. I no longer have that second pair of hands to take up some of the load.
I have no plan B, what am I supposed to do with this. I felt angry and betrayed as I did not sign up for this. My children did not sign up for this. I am solely responsible for every decision and action I make and take.
So much has changed in the last 8 months, nothing will be the same. I can embrace this new life that has been thrown at me or I can wallow in the bullshit of it all. My children need me to be present, they need me to be a super hero who can manage any situation. So I choose to embrace what has been handed to me without a backup plan. Just live each day and take each moment as it happens. Learning to go with the flow of life which is very unique to me as I like things very organised and structured. Maybe this is one of the lessons I needed to learn, maybe just maybe I needed to realise that life can turn upside down in a blink and you cannot always be prepared for any and all situations.
I choose to wake up each morning ready to take life on, to live it and love it. One day I may have the opportunity to have a second pair of hands to take the load or pitch in. However for now it is up to me and me alone to do the best I can. Which considering the circumstances I am doing a pretty good job of so far. It can only get easier, can’t it? I mean surely I have been through the worst of it.
I count my blessings each day, love and protect my children with every ounce of my being, one day I will have a Plan B. For right now though it is just me.