There is no plan B!

I had an ugly moment of reality today. Whilst vacuuming this morning I realised that this is it, I am alone in this with all that needs to be done to run my home, look after and provide for my children and keeping it all together. I no longer have my partner to pitch in and help. I no longer have that second pair of hands to take up some of the load.

I have no plan B, what am I supposed to do with this. I felt angry and betrayed as I did not sign up for this. My children did not sign up for this. I am solely responsible for every decision and action I make and take.

So much has changed in the last 8 months, nothing will be the same. I can embrace this new life that has been thrown at me or I can wallow in the bullshit of it all. My children need me to be present, they need me to be a super hero who can manage any situation. So I choose to embrace what has been handed to me without a backup plan. Just live each day and take each moment as it happens. Learning to go with the flow of life which is very unique to me as I like things very organised and structured. Maybe this is one of the lessons I needed to learn, maybe just maybe I needed to realise that life can turn upside down in a blink and you cannot always be prepared for any and all situations.

I choose to wake up each morning ready to take life on, to live it and love it. One day I may have the opportunity to have a second pair of hands to take the load or pitch in. However for now it is up to me and me alone to do the best I can. Which considering the circumstances I am doing a pretty good job of so far. It can only get easier, can’t it? I mean surely I have been through the worst of it.

I count my blessings each day, love and protect my children with every ounce of my being, one day I will have a Plan B. For right now though it is just me.

MWAH xxx

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2 thoughts on “There is no plan B!”

  1. I don’t think you are alone you have friends and family that will be there behind you to tell you no you don’t need to be strong all the time and that having a cry means you wee less, see there is always an upside.

  2. I just had this conversation with a widower yesterday! Sometimes life responsibilities get to be so much and you just want to ignore it all. But unfortunately that may come with a repercussion and although I don’t have children, it must be that much more stressful knowing your decisions affect the lives of others. Be the best you can and if something doesn’t work, maybe next time it will.

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