The reality of my situation is I am a widowed parent not a single parent, I am widowed at the age of 48 and I have 2 young boys relying on me to do the right thing by them for the rest of their lives.
Would I change my situation? I hesitate to answer not because I would not love my husband back by my side or for my children to have their hero back however my life now is so different. It is one I have grown into, one that I have learnt to navigate through and live with. I am comfortable now with this title of being a widow, this is my reality, I need to do the best I can with the limited experience I have.
It is coming up to the 9 month angelversary of my husbands passing which seems like both a heartbeat and lifetime ago. I remember every detail of the police knocking at my door, the gravity of their words, waking my boys to tell them their daddy was not coming home, the confusion and numbness of the next few weeks. I also remember the strength I felt and continue to feel with each day as I make decisions that will affect my family and the decisions I have made to secure our future.
Reality totally bites however I am up to the challenge I am also open to starting a new chapter of my life. Only time will tell if I am ready or if my children are ready.
What I know is I cannot change this life I have and to be totally honest I am not sure that I would change it. There is a reason behind what has happened. I thank god that I am strong, I thank god that my children keep me going and I thank my husband for having faith in me that I would keep us all going forward.