Tomorrow will be the 9 month angelversary of my husband receiving his angel wings. It has been the longest yet shortest time of my life. At times it feels like an eternity, you know that feeling of holding your breath underwater and you just have to hold on a little longer as you can see the surface just within a swim stroke. However it also feels like it was just yesterday that I received the news that he had died. Time is so conflicting and I look back and wonder how I could have done, witnessed and experienced so much in just 9 months. I do not recall my pregnancies going this fast, how is it the timeline for creating life can be so different to a timeline where a life has ended?
In the last 9 months my children and I have all had birthdays, we have had Christmas and New Years, I have bought 2 houses, fully furnished and moved into one of them, had major surgery, supported my oldest son (12 years old) through dental surgery, worked with my boys as they progressed into the next level of their schooling, watched my career progress and my parents celebrated 66 years of marriage. As well as this life has gone on, the day to day stuff that needs to be done.
All of this and I am still to celebrate our first wedding anniversary without him here, it is 17 years next month. Life goes on and I really do not want it to rush past in a flurry of activity where each day, week or month I look back and sit in wonder as to how I got through this or that.
I am blessed to have my family and friends who continue to prop me up and keep me going. One minute at a time in the beginning of this journey has gone to one day to one week to one month to now. I miss you babe and think of you every second of the day and I just know you are up there guiding me to continue on the right path. Yoh always called me lizard legs as I moved so quickly maybe it is time to slow down just a little – nah who am I kidding I will always go a hundred miles an hour at least I am moving forward.